Knocking On The Wrong Door

For a week now we’ve been speaking of longing as that inner urge to reach something greater, higher, beyond us. But, as any half self-aware person knows, many of our urges have us reaching for things that diminish and sometimes destroy us. We want more money, sex, we want a high, we want revenge on mean people.

What of those longings? Do we have to rid ourselves of those “bad” desires in order to fulfill the “good” ones?

This is where bad religion is born. So many of us have been formed in deeply dualistic religions that reduced life to one question (on which hung the fate of your eternal soul!): Have you been good today? Or have you been bad?

This low-level obsession teaches us to hide our faults, to repress our darker impulses—before we have a chance to understand them!

G. K. Chesterton wrote, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” That’s the wisdom we need in addressing our worst impulses. We don’t need someone shaming us for knocking on that door (because of course we are all so good at shaming ourselves). We need someone to ask us what we’re really after. This is the amazing wisdom of the Twelve Step program. You can’t sit in the circle unless you’re willing to be honest about who you are—“I’m David and I’m an alcoholic” or name-the-addiction—but no one judges you; they just lead you into the hard work of discovering your true longing.

So, hear this: Don’t be afraid of your frightful longings. If you dig even a bit below the surface, you can begin to discern the motivation. Do I want this so badly because I’m afraid of something? Is it because of some need that never got met in my life? Or is it just that I keep rejecting my true self and insisting on living inside the false version?

Advent assures us that, in the words of the carol, “the hopes and fears of all the years, are met in thee tonight.” When we spend time knowing our hopes and fears—all of them—we’re ready for that wondrous fulfillment. Gradually it dawns on us, that all those foolish doors we were knocking on were a misdirected search for God and the good, and all we can do is shake our heads. Who would have guessed?